Short jokes
Friends are very important. I have lots of friends in very high places. I hope the police can talk them down!
Everyone says "no homo," why do gays not say "no hetero?"
Why did Stephen Hawking make it to heaven?
He couldn't make it up the stairs.
Have you ever heard Stephen Hawking sing?
"Head, shoulders, wheels and frames, wheels and frames!"
Don't trust stairs... They are always up to something.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your mom.
Your mom who?
O shit, my mom's home! Honey, get the f*** out of my house!
What do you call a hot Mac Book Pro?
A Mac Daddy Pro.
Where’s the best place to put a Christmas tree?
In between Christmas two and Christmas four. 😉😂😂
What's worse than funny condom fails?
Jake Paul.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
I was really rooting to tell that one.
Why did the baseball player get arrested? He tried to steal third.
What is worse: 10 babies stapled to 1 tree, or 1 baby stapled to ten trees?
So I stayed at my friend's house for a few days, and I was like, "OMG, why?" So, I am going home because I’m going to my best friend's house.
I was about to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, A face like yours belongs in the zoo, But don't you worry, I'll be there too, Not in a cage, but laughing at you!
“Did you show him the pictures of our cats?”
“Yes.”
“Did you hang ‘em?”
I don't get mitosis.
The second twin tower is like Canada. It doesn’t exist.
Ever notice 9-1-1 (the number for the po-po) is the Great Date (9-11)... Hmmm.
If I had a sister with only 1 leg... wouldn't her name be I-Lean?