Short jokes
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
...You can't call it anything. It won't come to you.
People want to be nice to each other because they only have one life, and they want to live it well.
Sucks to be them. I'm a cat.
Do you wanna hear a joke about vegetables? Never mind, it's too corny.
What's the definition of suspicious?...
A nun doing sit-ups in a cucumber field. 💀
Pop a choccy milk!
A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”
I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.
Why does the wind always blow from the "West" in Washington State?
Answer: Because IDAHO SUCKS!
You will never see a redneck opposing a war.
He will instead say, "Wait, I get to kill people and it's not illegal? And they're foreigners?"
It's not a war crime if no one's alive to report it.
It's not a hate crime if you don't hate the person.
Why do people adopt orphans?
They get cash.
Where do terrorists go for a drink?
At the Allahu-ak Bar.
Study tip: Laminate your notes so they don't get damaged by the tears!
I'm so depressed, I gave my therapist trauma.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair with a gun? RG-XD
One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.
I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!
How do you call an iPhone cover in Germany?
An apple bag. 😜
Do you know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"?
No, it screeches.