Short jokes

If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up to the top of your ego and jump to your IQ.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Why did the gym close down? -- It just didn't work out.

Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, "Isn't it dark down here?" She replies, "I don't know. I can't see."

Why do Native Americans hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin Sea.

6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.

Why are tomatoes 🍅 the slowest vegetable?

Because they can’t ketchup.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

I don't like to use the word "kidnapping". So I just use the term: "surprise adoption."

Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?

Hubble just spotted something huge coming out of Uranus.

Why doesn't the Sun go to college? Because it has a million degrees.

"When Republicans do politics, it's a crime. But when Democrats commit crimes, it's politics." ---Tyler Nixon

A man gets kicked out of police camp after writing "Who's that Pokémon?" next to all of the chalk outlines.

Ever heard of the show "Naked and Afraid"? That's what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.

Grandpa: "You can't have phones within 15 feet of the table."

Me: "And you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school."

Does anyone still look at this? If you do, tell me if I should make more jokes :)

To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you are happy now.

Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.

Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.