Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages?
Because there were too many knights.
I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself
I don't like to use the word kidnapping. So I just use the term: surprise adoption
Does anyone still look at this if you do tell me if I should make more jokes :)
The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologized to the Olympic Committee after realizing that sailing and shooting were two separate events.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry.
Onions was a good dog.
6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.
What do you call a group of redneck superheroes?
The Inbredibles.
Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.
I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.
Hi, Welcome to Dave's Orphanage you make them we take them how may I help you?
Why are tomatoes 🍅 the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?
Santa stops at 3 hoes.
jack and jill went up the hill to do it in the water. jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter
What do you call 2 octopuses that look exactly the same? -- Itenticle.
I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
If I wanted to kill myself I would climb up to the top of your ego and jump to your iq
If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?
When you realize you have depression and depression realize how stupid you were
Did you know the pool in the Titanic is still full
