Short jokes
If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up to the top of your ego and jump to your IQ.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Why did the gym close down? -- It just didn't work out.
Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, "Isn't it dark down here?" She replies, "I don't know. I can't see."
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it's white and settles on their land.
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea.
6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.
Why are tomatoes š the slowest vegetable?
Because they canāt ketchup.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
I don't like to use the word "kidnapping". So I just use the term: "surprise adoption."
Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?
Hubble just spotted something huge coming out of Uranus.
Why doesn't the Sun go to college? Because it has a million degrees.
"When Republicans do politics, it's a crime. But when Democrats commit crimes, it's politics." ---Tyler Nixon
A man gets kicked out of police camp after writing "Who's that PokƩmon?" next to all of the chalk outlines.
Ever heard of the show "Naked and Afraid"? That's what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.
Grandpa: "You can't have phones within 15 feet of the table."
Me: "And you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school."
To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you are happy now.
Does anyone still look at this? If you do, tell me if I should make more jokes :)
Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn't real.
Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk.