What do you call a singing laptop? -- A Dell.
*Titanic was sinking. Passenger: How far are we from land? Captain: Two miles. Passenger: Which direction? Captain: Down.
Hi, Welcome to Dave's Orphanage you make them we take them how may I help you?
If depression is going to be my girlfriend. Will she leave me?
Why did the gym close down? -- It just didn't work out.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, "Isn't it dark down here?" She replies, "I don't know. I can't see."
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it's white and settles on their land.
What do fish 🐟 take to stay healthy ?
Vitamin Sea.
6:30 is the best time on a clock... hands down.
Why are tomatoes 🍅 the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.
Grandpa: you can't have phones within 15 feet of the table Me: and you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school
I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
hubble just spotted something huge coming out of uranus
Why can't blind people eat fish?
Because it's sea food.
Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.
suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry
"When Republicans do Politics, it's a crime. But when Democrats commit crimes, it's Politics." ---Tyler Nixon
If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.
