Short jokes
Why do Native Americans hate snow?
Because it's white and settles on their land.
Why are the twin towers mad?
They ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plain.
A German went to France for a holiday, and here is the scene. French border staff asked, "Occupation?" The German replied, "No, no, no, just visiting."
What kind of bees eat brains?
Zombees.
Wanna hear some famous last words?
"We are just experiencing some turbulence."
What goes zzub-zzub?
A bee flying backwards.
I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.
What do lesbians cook for dinner?
They don't, they just eat out.
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea.
Why does the United States have such a good military? Because they learn to dodge bullets in school.
Why do Java Programmers wear glasses? Because they don't C#.
Grandpa: "You can't have phones within 15 feet of the table."
Me: "And you aren't allowed within 100 feet of the elementary school."
When you send nudes to your Roblox gf and your uncle’s phone sounds with a text tone...
How does Moses prepare his tea? -- Hebrews it.
What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."
The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters, ...
so Trump can't tweet it.
What do you give a sick bird?
Tweet-ment!
Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese.
He wants to make America grate again.
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.
What did the police say to the ice cream freezer?