Short jokes
Every woman will die in five seconds.
Mother: Dies.
Sister: Dies.
Girlfriend: Lives.
You: 🤬
What two things can you never have for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner!
Wow, these cow jokes are moo-amazing!
Two hotdogs are walking across the street. One is walking slow. What does the 2nd one say?
"Ketchup!"
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have nobody to call "daddy."
One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.
Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.
Friend: Slavery isn't good.
Other friend: Yeah, it's terrible.
Me: Shut up and get me a juice!
What do you call a funny chicken?
A comedi-hen!
I want to be like pizza so I can get cut into 8 pieces.
He plays Fortnite just to build walls.
What do Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker have in common?
They both died at 95.
How is your cereal? Oh, wait.
I need a new butt. This one has a hole in it.
Knock knock. Who's there? Dees. Dees who? Dees nuts!
(Or dees nuts in yo mouth!)
Bully: My d*ck is longer than your password.
Me: Sorry mate, it's so short, get a longer one! 🤣
What is black and white and red all over?
Answer: A newspaper.
That is what my 3-year-old told me.
What do you get when you gobble down sweets?
What did the phone receptionist at the suicide hotline tell the callers?
Hang in there!
Why do we even live? We're just gonna die anyway, so what's the point?
What are American schools?
Shooting ranges.