Short jokes
What's the similarity between a 14-year-old girl and the fetus inside her?
They're both thinking, "Oh fuck, mom is gonna kill me!"
How do u catch a tame rabbit?
The tame way.
Not all cat puns are purr-fect; some just have their claws.
Perrie.
What is a gay man's favorite hobby?
Cockfighting.
How did Helen Keller know she went to hell?
She didn't.
What do you call a one-legged hippo?
A hoppo!
We were so poor that every time I passed by a butcher shop, I thought there had been a horrible accident.
One day, I sit in the lounge on a chair.
What does a Tusken Raider eat after his meal?
Some desert!
I can tell you an airplane joke, but it will probably fly over your head.
What do pigs and ink have in common?
They both go in a pen.
What did the bull say when he went to college?
Bison!
Did you hear about the old Italian chef?? Yeah he pasta away.
Then a man walked comprehending to be him. Everyone knew he was an impasta.
I could tell you the one about the broken pencil... but it's pointless.
Mom: See that guy over there with no hands, tell him to clap.
Son: Mom, I'm blind.
Mom: Exactly!
10 years ago my dad went to get milk. He said when he got back, he was going to tell me a joke. That joke better be worth it!
Q: What do you call an angry monkey?
A: Furious George!
When do you go on red and stop at green?
A watermelon.
Why did Little Sally get hurt while playing soccer?
Because she fell into a minefield.