Short jokes
What time is it when you can smell smoke inside?
Time to get outside!
An orphan went up to Nikola Tesla and asked to travel in time. He then saw his parents put him in a building, saying, "You now live here!"
I once asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite... He said, "NaBrO."
Why did the football coach go to the bank?
To get his quarterback!
Fact: If you jump off a 12-story building, you will not like the result.
A police officer pulls a man over. "Hands in the air!"
The man said, "Okay."
I'm hungry.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because the "p" is silent.
What is the difference between a small child and a watermelon?
One I eat on the daily and the other is a watermelon.
She’s so therapeutic.
When I need to cure my restlessness, I br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br motorboat your mom's breastestess!
What did the vegetable say to the other before the fight?
Time to beet your maker.
Knock knock.
- Who's there?
- The doorbell repairer.
What is blue and wiggling on my floor?
A baby in a bag.
How did the Skeleton know it was gonna rain?
He read the weather forecast.
What is David Bowie known for when making music? He gets his beats from his kids.
What's a queen's favorite drink? Royal-tea!
I once went to the bank with some raisins because I wanted to set up a current account.
Emo t-shirt:
"EXISTENCE IS FUTILE."
What's the difference between me and my best friends?
At least one of us has a house.
Do you like tree jokes? Because they leaf me in tears! :3