Short jokes
I have a picture of Uranus on my computer.
Don't break girls' hearts. Break their legs instead. They're two.
My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.
What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.
Chiefs is an egg-cellent cook!
What is humble, holy, and helps?
An angle...
Your mama so fat when she sits on the toilet it sings, "ABC, 123, get your fat ass off of me!"
What's big, black, and touches children?
Harambe.
Why can't an orphan get caught on the hub? They have no parents to catch them.
What's the difference between outlaws and in-laws?
Outlaws are wanted :)
If a priest listens to sad music in his church, he really enjoys being deep in minor.
My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a "get well soon" card with each one of them!
Your mama is so fat, when I think of her in my head, she just broke my neck.
I'm bored. If you want to friend me in Roblox, my username is Talitha95g and my nickname is talithafromamirica.
What do you call an elite bungee jumper? An emo kid.
Patient: Where are you taking me, doctor?
Doctor: The morgue.
Patient: Hang on! I'm not dead yet!
Doctor: And we're not there yet!
People always talk about starting families, what happened to finishing the job?
Why can't orphans stand Darth Vader?
Because he's their father.
Dad: No, Timmy, you don't have to worry, there is no monster sleeping under your bed, it sleeps every night in the bed next to me.
Being an orphan isn’t all bad.
On the bright side, all your snacks are family sized.