Short jokes

Patient: "I'm starting to forget things."

Doctor: "Since when have you had this condition?"

Patient: "What condition?"

What's yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of children.

I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions, which made me cry.

Onions was a good dog.

Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

If you give a gator a GPS, does that make it a navigator?

Would you like to try African food?

They would too.

To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you are happy now.

RIP boiling water. You will be mist.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Why did the gym close down? -- It just didn't work out.

I started a band called 999 megabytes... we still haven't gotten a gig.

I don't like to use the word "kidnapping". So I just use the term: "surprise adoption."

I hate two-faced people because I don't know which face to slap first.

I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but thankfully, I turned myself around.

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller.

Woman: "Doctor, where are we going?"

Doctor: "To the morgue."

Woman: "I'm not dead yet, doctor."

Doctor: "We're not at the morgue yet, either."

I heard a joke about chocolate bars, and it wasn't that funny. So I just snickered.

My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore, so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."

If you push someone that's bullying, if you kill someone that's murder, if there is no evidence it's nothing.

What did Stevie Wonder's mom do to punish him as a child?

She rearranged all the furniture.