Short jokes
"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."
Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
"A foolish man is lactose intolerant. A wise man simply tolerates it."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
I would make a joke about fat people, but they already have enough on their plate.
Why are Elmo’s jealous of lights?
Lights are hanging.
What’s the difference between orphans and cars?
I don’t have 1080 cars in my basement.
Your eyebrows are far from home just like your dad.
One like = more from me to you. 👊
What do the Twin Towers and your siblings have in common?
Once they turn 18, they never come back.
Are you a builder, because you give me an erection.
You're so poor, if I ever broke into your house, I'd give you things.
Your mum so fat, she broke the stairs down to the fridge.
What site does a vegetable go to when he/she is stressed?
cornhub.com
A bully says, "I get 10x more girls than you" to a gay kid.
Then the gay kid says, "10 X 0 is still 0."
Yo mama so poor she eats cereal with a fork to save milk.
What did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse: "I don't use condoms; I use my drawbridge."
What do you call a blond with half a brain? Gifted.
How many Sallys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, she was electrocuted.
When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."
Three boys are in the 4th grade; one is black, one is white, and the other is Hispanic. Who has the biggest penis?
The black one... he's 13!
What do you call a fat Indian sat on the floor?
A meatball/malteser.