Short jokes
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
The nut is so solid, it’s peanut brittle.
Don’t panic! Stay c-almond collected.
I want an almond-flavored biscuit.
I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.
"Don’t look! I saw you peeking through the window."
If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
IBC.
IBC who?
I'll be seeing you later.
What's the slowest train in the world? A slow coach!
How does a train dance?
It bogies!
Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.
This bitch won't message me anymore, what the fuck do I do? Why are bitches so sensitive?
I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.
Some kid in a wheelchair called me fat.
I told her, "Do a wheelie!"
One time Uma Thurman was Poison Ivy; she was weird in that, except for her punny jokes.
Want a kiss, daddy? Want a blow job?
Q: What did the stop light say to the other stop light?
A: Stop looking, I’m changing!
What did Jamie do after the sucky sucky?
He gagged!
I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.
What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak!