Short jokes
How much does a hipster weigh?
About an Instagram.
I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.
What do you call an angry shopper?
A cuss-tomer.
What happens once every minute, twice every millennium, but never in a hundred years?
The letter M.
An Irishman walks out of a bar.
Why did Miss Stephen get divorced? She didn't float, too.
Roses are red, I like weed,
If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."
Tuxedos suit you.
Walking's a chore, let alone crawling.
How does Skeletor feel after He-Man beats him up?
Skelesore.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
'Cause she didn't wear a seatbelt.
Chuck: Do you have holes in your underpants?
Teacher: No, of course not.
Chuck: Then how do you get your feet through?
What did the melon say to the avocado when he proposed?
Can't elope.
I have some jokes about popcorn.
Nah, they're too corny.
Mr. Bunler.
Why is helium so expensive? It is due to inflation.
What do you call Holly and Elenji?
A couple.
4chan
What do Marie Antoinette and 2005-2012 Korn have in common?
They're both Headless.
Why are graveyards so popular? Because people are always dying to get into them.