Short jokes
Mama is so Catholic, Swiss cheese wishes it was as holy as she is. Do you...
Michael has canceled his upcoming dates. They were Tommy, age 9, and Bobby, 11.
My name is Giselle.
When someone calls you gay, say:
"I'm straight, straighter than your hairline!"
Baller.
Daddy, I really miss you. Mummy changed my name to Tickle Timpson. Anyway, daddy I forgive you for abusing me.
Why did John rape his mother? Because he wanted a brother to play Mario Kart with.
Why did no one turn up to John's funeral?
Because Sally wrote the invitations!
My friend's emo. I told her to play jump rope with me. She hanged herself. Lol.
If you think long and hard, oral sex is like cannibals.
Why is Trump always in debt? His university isn't paid off yet!
Trump cheated so much he cheated himself out of an election!
Don't believe what your school bully tells you.
Always take it with a grain of assault.
Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.
You guys know the notes A Minor and D? I really like putting D in A Minor!
Republicans really want weed not to be legal, fucking cunts!
(Pick-up line) If your tits are the Twin Towers... can I be your Osama?
Interviewer: Hey JFK, what’s your favorite song by Jessie J?
JFK: I er ah Bang Bang.
What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?
Why did your emo mom get you?
To have someone to hang out with.