Short jokes
I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me.
That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?
GF: What did you use as kissing when you were little?
Me: My sister.
SWEET HOME ALABAMAA
I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.
Oh, don't worry, he's okay now.
But the vet charged me six quid.
Why do disabled people always get picked on?
Because they can’t stand up for themselves.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It doesn't matter, he's dead.
How does a paedophile know if he's good at sex?
It'll forever be a mystery because the victims [are] too young to scream his name.
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Make like a drum and beat it!
Student: Hey! Did you hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Teacher: No?
Student: All I can say about it is, "Well, well, well."
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Robin, get in the car.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
Hey girl, are you osteoporosis, because you're giving me a "bone" condition.
What did the neutrino say to the planet?
"Just passing through."
When the grass is bloody, You play in the mud...
How do you get a Japanese fanclub?
Walk around with a bundle of gas masks!
How do you know a vampire's sick?
If he's coffin (coughing?)
Rape victims suck, literally.
What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!