Short jokes

Voldemort: Knock, knock.

Harry Potter: Who's there?

Voldemort: You know.

Harry Potter: You know who?

Voldemort: Exactly!

Knock, knock. Who's there? Daisy. Daisy who? Daisy me rollin', they hatin'!

Robert doesn’t see people, the man just sees meals.

Why can't Sally hit herself? Because she has no arms.

If your boyfriend doesn't get your fruit puns, you got to let that mango.

Why couldn’t anyone see the bird?

Because it was in da skies.

"Let girls live" is 9 years old, OMG, right?

What type of jam can you not eat?

Traffic jam.

If you are dehydrated, you should get well soon.

What do you call a pig that knows karate?

Pork-chop!

What do you call nitrogen in the day? You call it day-trogen!

What did Schrödinger say to Shakespeare?

"To be and not to be."

I had a conversation with a Möbius strip.

It was one-sided.

Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crummy!

By the way, could you tell me an elevator pun? I can't seem to "come up" with one myself.

A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says, "Sorry, it was an axe-cident!"

How did the carpenter do on his interview? He nailed it!

What did the computer say to the other computer? “Well, tech-ically we can’t talk.”

3+3=****

Me: I used to laugh at Skyrim jokes like you, then I took an...

Everyone Else: DON'T...FUCKING...SAY IT.