Short jokes

How do you fix a broken pizza? With tomato paste.

Why does Technoblade love orphans?

'Cause he can relate to their parents!

I live in China and we have no food. We have to eat Chinese food, so I called my dog over.

You are so skinny that the only difference between you and a leaf is color.

Jack and Jill went up a hill

To pick some dill.

Jack slid down the hill and hurt his leg of skill,

And he needed a painkiller pill.

What’s yellow and can’t swim?

A school bus full of children.

I kidnapped an orphan. What are they going to do? Cry for mom?

Which planet would I consider dating?

I don’t know, but not Saturn because she’s already got a ring on her.

My name is Dan, I wear white Vans, I have a gun, get in the van!

I’d like to be a One Direction poster because I want to be nailed to the wall by a teenage girl ;)

What's the difference between a dead baby and an orange?

I don't keep a trash bag full of oranges in my basement.

What kind of mask are you wearing?

An Elon Musk!

I can't wait to see Uranus! 😂

My grandpa died during World War II. He was the best concentration camp guard they have ever seen. RIP.

What did the flower say to the crazy peanut?

"Ur going nuts boii, get back on yo' plant. Ur too nuts for me."

Americans don't like playing chess with Muslims; last time they did play, they ended up losing two towers.

What's yellow and can’t swim?

Your dead fish.

What is the definition of a woman?

A life support system for a vagina.

What's the difference between my girlfriend and my sister?

There is no difference.

Two lepers playing cards... one threw his hand in; the other laughed his head off.