Short jokes
Dark humor and women are very similar...
Not everyone appreciates them, but they both give everyone something to make fun of.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
I’m gonna kick some gum and chew some ass... but I’m all out of ass.
I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......
What did Stephen Hawking get for his B-Day?
Chocolate arm.
What animal do you always find at a baseball game? A bat.
Why do Asians excel at math?
Because their dog can never eat their homework.
I got rejected from art school today, so yeah.
Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.
What does the blind man say when he walks past the fish market?
"Hello, ladies!"
What do you call a drunk cat? A drunk cat.
With the sentence "Die in Hölle," you can buy shoes in Germany.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
How are boobs and toys similar?
Both were originally made for kids, but dads usually end up playing with them.
Why does Michael Jackson avoid Pepsi? They gave him a hot one.
Why can't British people play chess?
Because they lost their queen.
Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?
Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.
Q. What's the difference between a CEO and a deer?
A. You don't normally fuck the deer after you've shot it.
What did the tie say to the hat?
You go on ahead, I'll just hang around.
What did Google Translate say to Siri?
"Why are you so Siri-ous?"