Short jokes
What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?
In a dog pound, people actually want them.
Why does your grandma like gardening so much?
Because she loves getting dirty down on her knees.
What’s a vegetable’s favorite dance?
The cabbage patch.
Your hairline is so long, people call it "The Natural Disaster!"
Your hairline is so long The Rock complimented it!
What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
Yo mama so fat when she sits down, she sits next to everyone!
Teacher: How much is a gram?
Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need.
What is the best thing about an 18-year-old girl in the shower?
Slick her hair, she looks 15.
Gay gang members don't do drive-bys, they do fruit roll-ups.
Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.
If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
¡Hola, soy Dora!
Can you help me find the two fucks I'm supposed to give?!
You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb!
Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?
Her sister is a real Dess-ember!
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
What is the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler?
Usain Bolt can finish a race.
Your dad is so fat that when he walks past the TV, I miss three episodes of South Park.
What is the worst part about making an Asian girl squirt?
She charges you for extra sauce!
How can you be fast and slow at the same time, getting a gold medal in the Special Olympics?