Short jokes

You could say Kobe's career went up in smoke.

Emo girls are bad, but what's worse? Cutting yourself.

Why do orphans have no bruises?

Because they have no dad to beat them.

Ok, so I have a joke for you, go look in the mirror and when you realize, come back to me and tell me.

How can you tell if a man is straight? You don't have to, he will tell you.

Adolf Hitler + Vladimir Putin = Vladolf Putler.

Yes, I have gained weight. I have also gained more brains. Do you want some? You talk like you definitely need some more.

You were supposed to be born in the tree.

The sticks were your siblings.

I'd tell a joke about how my mom was abusive, but I either forgot everything, or she just wasn't there.

What's the quiet kid's favorite school lunch? Mac-10 and cheese.

I’m becoming a litter bit more zebra everyday.

Short girl: "How do you see up there?"

Tall guy: "Who said that?"

I spit my drink out and then ran away.

People dream about having a lot of money, but the only thing you should be dreaming about is a hairline.

I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

My favorite kind of face mask is the plastic bag.

My sister: You were born ugly.

Me: I'm not a mirror, sis.

Fun fact: The max comments on a joke on this website is 1000! (LINK IN COMMENTS FOR PROOF)

What if Flappy Bird was with the Twin Towers?

Jesus will be history when I realize he's behind me.

What do Jesus and a painting have in common?

They hang by nails.