Short jokes

The pterodactyl went in my bathroom and peed.

When I was in the shower, I couldn't hear it. Why? Because the "p" is silent.

How do rabbits travel?

By hareplane.

Your forehead is so big I could use it to get free TV.

Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.

Ariana Grande was in the store, and when she put her groceries on the counter, she said, "Thank you, next!"

Why was the chicken in trouble?

For using fowl language!

Step on your small sister's foot, she will always open her mouth like a dustbin.

What do you give a pig when it has a rash?

Oinkment.

If trees were sentient, they would make their furniture out of bone, flesh, and blood.

Now ain't that cool?

"Bill? Bill?" Bill hears faintly in the distance.

Bill Nye snapped back into reality only to find he had peed all over the set.

A burger walks into a bar and says, "Hi sir, can I have a glass of water?"

And the waiter says, "I'm sorry sir, we don't serve food here."

I should name my dog Ariana Grande.

That way I could say that I fucked Ariana Grande.

Why did Cleopatra bathe in milk? She couldn’t find a cow tall enough to have a shower.

Are you a bullet? 'Cause you're stuck in my head.

When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.

I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?

Why can't you make fun of a bunny's head?

Because they have a hare-line.

Prince, I love you very much! Happy anniversary! Love you! ❤️❤️😘

Why does an orphan like home base? Because he doesn't have one.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.