Short jokes
Me: *looks at person's hand* This guy doesn't have fingers!
Random person with no fingers: Why do you have to point that out?
I heard an unusual word the other day: "Opaque."
Unfortunately, what it means is unclear.
What do you call a tall, affluent person? A big success.
Is it all right when there is nothing left?
What do you call two Latinos playing baseball one on one?
What did the icicle say to the snow?
"Why do you have to be so soft?"
AP Chemistry.
Why are orphans not allowed in stores?
Because else they would actually feel at home.
A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says:
"I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Tank.
Tank who?
You're welcome.
I went on a one in a lifetime vacation. Never again!
What's big, round, and can't move?
A vegetable!
I heard oxygen and magnesium were dating, and I was like, "OMg!"
There are three types of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.
Christmas. Living proof arseholes exist.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
I’d make a joke to Fetty Wap on this, but there’s only a 50/50 chance he’ll SEE this.
So many bots commenting so fúcking fix it!
If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to kill myself, I'd be a millionaire.
What side of the sidewalk do crazy people walk on? The psych-o-path.