Short jokes
There are only 2 things I hate in this world:
1. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures. 2. The French.
What do maths and 9/11 have in common?
They both prove two parallel lines can be intercepted by a plane.
What's the difference between vitiligo and plastic surgery?
Vitiligo doesn't alter facial features.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 67 stories in 0.67 milliseconds.
Our Human Services Minister is just mad because his wife cheated on him 20 years ago.
With their brother.
Abortion is a difficult topic for me.
On one hand I support it because it kills children.
On the other hand, it gives women a choice.
Why do dolphins live in salt water?
Because pepper water would make them sneeze!
Why is 10 afraid?
Because it’s in the middle of 9/11.
I thought when my friends called me curvy, it was a compliment, but it turns out they were referring to my spine.
Why can't you kill a hooker?
Because they're dead inside anyway.
Why was Saudi Arabia sad during 9/11?
Because there were no more planes.
What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person?
I'd ask what's up, but it's definitely not you!
If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?
I asked my North Korean friend how it is to live there.
He said he couldn't complain.
I regret my abortion.
I didn’t know child labor was an option.
American soldier: "Did you come here to die?"
Australian soldier: "Nah mate, I came 'ere yesterdie."
Hey, guy, you suck! Why do I suck? Because you're the one that's sucking juice out of a straw.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Yo mama!
I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.