Short jokes
What's the worst TV series for orphans?
Family Guy.
If someone's debating the speed of light and a drunk Russian, the Russian would take speed to grab a falling wallet.
Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?
A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.
Your momma so fat when she stepped on one scale, it broke. When she got another one, it said "TBC." She looked in the mirror, it broke.
"Ring Ring! Hi, I've been needing to call you. Your hairline has been found by Dora after 25 years!"
Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.
What is old, cold, and alone?
An orphan's parents.
It cost me $100 to ride a taxi over your belly, it was that big!
What mistake did the manager of the Twin Towers make?
He replaced all the window cleaners with 2 commercial jets.
Why do orphans have no sense of humor?
I guess they've never heard a dad joke.
Why are Asians so bad at baseball? ... Because they ate the bat!
Why can't orphans fail a test?
Because the teacher is gonna ask their parents to sign it.
What kind of music do wind turbines like?
They are big, heavy metal fans!
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
I’m becoming a litter bit more zebra everyday.
Why did the tomato cross the road?
To ketchup with his friends on the other side.
Why do so many kids die in school shootings? Because you're not allowed to run in the corridors.
What do you call a man with no shins? Tony.
The companies that made the hand gel sanitizer must be absolutely rubbing their hands together!
I don't think I could ever become a beggar. I really don't like change.