Short jokes
Being alive is so expensive, I am not even having a good time doing it.
Mum: If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you?
Me: Oh yeah, no doubt my friend wouldn't even have to jump first.
You can't spell "Funeral" without "fun."
Hairline got repossessed.
His hairline doing the moonwalk. Oh, I forgot, he doesn’t even have a hairline.
Yo mom's so old, she was happily accepted into the museum.
What do Special Ed kids and fast kids have in common? They like to do things sped up.
You know why eggs can't tell jokes?
They crack each other up!
I once told Siri, "Hey Siri, why am I still single?" She opened the front camera.
Ur mama so fat that when she went to the ocean, all the whales started singing, "We are family," even knowing your fatter than me.
Mike Oxlong: What's deez, Mike?
Mike Oxsmall: I dunno. What is deez?
Mike Oxlong: DEEZ NUTS! HA, GOT 'EM!
What do you call Autistic kids baking?
"Downies" with brownies.
Some people put zodiacs on everything.
They said they couldn’t go to the party because of cancer.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Draggin’.
Draggin’ who?
Draggin’ these balls around yo’ face.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."
What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."
Joseph Jackson wants Michael's kids to tour as the Jackson 3.
Weirdo: I'm too high to die!
Me: You'll just fall harder.
My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.
I put a guy in a fridge. He said, "I had a nightmare!"