Short jokes

Your hairline goes so back that it’s ingrained in history.

Your hairline is receding so hard, they petitioned it to change for the McDonald's logo.

What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.

What is a Mexican's least favorite type of water?

I.C.E. water.

“If you're a dwarf and you're offended by that, grow up.”

“Life is going swimmingly,”

“Tell that to Whitney Houston.”

Alabama's saying: It's not cheating if we’re all siblings.

I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.

Did you hear about the lesbian midget? She probably came out of the cabinet.

I learned how to say "virgin" in German: "Good and tight."

How do women hold their liquor? By the ears.

What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire? Hot Wheels.

How does a blind person wipe their ass?

With braille toilet paper.

How does a blind person know they've wiped their ass enough?

When I was doing ju jitsu at my neighbor's cat, I accidentally created a whirlpool and then ate a mango mustard bar.

The president of the USA is so damn stupid. His mother must have taken Tylenol while she was pregnant with him, or something.

What's red and spins really fast?

Kurt Cobain's ceiling fan.

Why did the Titanic cross the road?

Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.

What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? A rabbi cuts it off, a priest sucks it off.