Short jokes

What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him when he came home drunk?

Nothing... she couldn't tell.

What did the mentally retarded kid get on his test?

Drool.

People say that life is short.

I say... life is the longest thing we ever do.

What do you call a fat midget?

A pig.

How do you kill a little boy?

You throw him between two Catholic priests.

Steven Hawking died. I said, "Why? Did his wheelchair break?"

What's worse than a baby in a trash can?

A baby in 10 trash cans.

Where do Dairy Queen and Burger King go after dinner?

White Castle.

I would tell you a joke about pizza,

but it's too cheesy.

I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a "fret."

I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.

It's weird how Stephen Hawking's last name sounds like "walking and talking," but he could not do either of those!

If Stephen Hawking got into a fight, he could not stand up for himself.

It sucks that Stephen Hawking died so soon, the new Intel update just came out.

Riddle: I don't move, I travel across the world, but I never leave the corner. What am I?

Answer: A stamp.

I saw Stephen Hawking using an ATM. It is nice to see he had found someone before he shut down.

Now touring: Stephen Hawking unplugged.

Why did Stephen Hawking roll across the road?

Because he had amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.

I was both shocked and amazed to hear Stephen Hawking kicked the bucket.

Well, I don't have a joke but... I have a poem.

My dick is red, your pussy is blue. I... lied to you.