Short jokes
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to talk to me.
Some man was walking too slow, so I told him to Mufasa.
Stephen Hawking tried to crack Abutu.
What’s Stephen Hawking’s favorite band? The Rolling Stones.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crummy!
My life is such an udder disappointment. What an udder failure!
Did you know that towels are the leading cause of dry skin?
Alle Kinder heißen Rune, außer einer Pussy.
Alle kinder hedder Rune, undtagen Kurt, han hedder Rune.
All the kids are named Rune, except Kurt, he is named Rune.
Alle Kinder hiessen Melissa, ausser Kurt, han hed det "grime Kurt bombomn".
Alle Kinder heißen Melissa, nur nicht Melissa, er heißt Kurt fra Zonen.
All these sea monster jokes are just kraken me up.
Deaf people suck lots of dicks.
They can't hear!
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
Where was Moses when the lights went out? - In the dark!
What was the chip doing at the hairdressers?
It was getting a crinkle cut.
My abortion.
So, two condoms walk by a gay bar. What does one condom say to the other? "Hey, wanna get 'shit-faced?'"
I was walking down the street and saw a kid slip on a plum.
I look to my right and died of laughter because I did the same!