Short jokes
Why do cats like to sing? They're very mewsical!
I go to the shop and buy 2 pints of kimo.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
A "glad-he-ate-her".
What do you call a three-humped camel?
Pregnant.
Yo mama is so fat, she sat on a quarter and popped a booger out of George Washington's nose.
Q: Where do you find a quadriplegic?
A: Right where you left 'em.
Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?
A: The ins and outs of child rearing.
Q: What did the iceberg say to the Titanic?
A: I'd hit that.
My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
If the shoe fits perfectly, why did it fall off?
Why do mountains go to sleep a lot?
Because they are high.
Guy spills milk on me. I say, "It's okay, we all make mistakes sometimes, but apparently your mom made a big one."
What was the incontinent farmer's greatest problem? He managed his carrot patch but couldn't control his peas!
Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!
What song was played at the flatulent centenarian's birthday? Candle in the Wind!
What do you call a sociopath who damages a box of Wheaties? A cereal criminal!
What happened when the gun dealer found his pistol in his shoe?
He found that he had a piece in his sole!
What do you call a retard in a house fire?
Flame Retardant.
I'm listening to a song about fish--it's very catchy.
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
It didn't; it got stuck in a crack.