Short jokes
Why did Joey drop his ice cream?
He was hit by a truck. (Don't worry, the truck was fine.)
You. You're the joke.
What did one brain cell say to the other brain cell?
"I think I feel a connection!"
What makes a joke a dad joke?
I don't know. I don't even have one as an example.
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
Paul Walker's death was a tragedy, but at least he went out in a blaze of glory.
I only listen to waltz 3/4 of the time.
You were born on the freeway, you know why?
Because that's where a lot of accidents happen. 😈
Sex sex sex free sex tonight, I mean 666-3629.
Why was the German in a hurry?
Because he was Rush-ian to get to work.
You know what I saw today?
Everything I looked at.
What do lady dogs (bitches) wear to work?
Pant suits.
Woman: "Doctor, where are we going?"
Doctor: "To the morgue."
Woman: "I'm not dead yet, doctor."
Doctor: "We're not at the morgue yet, either."
How did the air beat me at chess? It did that thing, haha!
It was so windy I saw a chicken lay the same egg twice!
What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
What do you call a bulldog and a shih tzu? A bullshit.
The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
What do you call 8 x 3.14?
Octopi.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
When my computer crashes, I actually give a fuck.