Short jokes
Why were you born?
Because I asked out your mom on accident.
What is more time-consuming than children?
Waiting for your wife to go into labor!
What’s Steven Hawking's fav[orite] food?
WiFi chips or his shoulder?
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He didn't pay his electricity bills.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He ran out of WiFi.
A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender replies, "For you? No charge!"
Why aren't koalas actual bears?
Because they don't meet the koalafications.
I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.
There were two peanuts walking down an alley. One was assaulted.
Come on guys, this is nasty, he was my uncle, ffs :(
Why did he go to hell? Because he couldn't use the stairs to Heaven.
Tyler M is not to be sitting in the chair he is right now.
The deaf man said to the waiter:
"Mmmm."
The waiter said, "No English."
Then the deaf man signed, "F U."
There are more than two genders.
When it comes to recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.
Stephen Hawking trying to climb the stairway to heaven.
What do they call me when I jack off?
Pulled pork.
Who's Hitler's best friend? Nazis me.
Why can’t Stephen Hawking go to Heaven?
Because there wasn’t a ramp.
Add me on Snapchat for streaks: Loganlytton.