Short jokes
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
When my computer crashes, I actually give a fuck.
What is a doll's favorite dog? A doll-matian.
Knock knock. Who's there? Ieatmop. I eat mop who? Eww, you eat your poo?
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A nectarine.
What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?
My dick while I'm doing it.
Why don’t they let Stephen Hawking have other electronics around him? Because he will sound staticky.
I wrote "my pen is big," but forgot to space "pen is."
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
Error.
I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.
By the way, could you tell me an elevator pun? I can't seem to "come up" with one myself.
I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."
What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
Beef strokin' off.
Booooooooooooo!
Why didn't Hitler's girlfriend like giving him a blowjob? It left a Nazi taste in her mouth...
Why did Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
How did Helen Keller burn the side of her head? She answered the iron.
How'd she burn the other side? They called back.
Where does Stephen Hawking get his computer fixed?
At PC World.
Why can't Stephen Hawking go metal detecting?
Because when it beeps, it's him!
So I was on Google, and on my computer it had Windows. When Stephen Hawking died, it shut down, the shutdown sound played, and wouldn't turn on again.
What can you tell [is] the difference between Stephen Hawking and a carrot?
Nothing.