Short jokes
They finally made a movie about a clock, about time.
"I asked my friend what his height is?" He answered, "I'm sans'sational!"
"Wheel" all miss him, right?
A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked her about it, and she replied, "It's a bad habit."
Why can’t moons walk?
'Cuz they have no legs, stupid!
When you send her a dick pic, but then she sends you one right back...
Yesterday I asked my friend, "What is a fish without eyes?"
They replied, "I don’t know."
I said, "Fsh."
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who.
You sound like an owl.
A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says, "Oh my god, your shoulders are broad!" Another woman says, "Are you sure it's a woman?"
They toss and turn to the sound of thunder, but I got watermelon to soothe my slumber!
Atom
Electron
Why didn’t Stephen Hawking go to heaven? Because it’s a staircase, not a ramp.
What do you call a 5-year-old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
What do dogs do that trees don't do?
Answer: They bark!
badoom ching
When the chair was invented, the inventor's friend wanted to know what it did. The inventor replied: "You might want to sit down for this."
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.
Why do mountains get so big?
They have no natural predators.
What do you say when you see an apple dancing in a talent show?
He's got some "sweet" moves!
Your family.
What do you call a cool octopus?
Tenta-cool (tentacle)