Short jokes
How do Asians name their kids?
They throw pots and pans down the stairs. (ching chong dong)
How does the sea say hello?
It WAVES you.
SEA what I did there?
I'm SHORE you saw it.
Don't be SALTY!
Stephen Hawking only died because he tried to install Windows 10, and his hard drive corrupted.
What does the cannibal eat who comes late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.
What did one gay guy say to the other when they were packing for a trip?
"Want me to pack your shit?"
Why did the farmer go to the strip club?
Because he was looking for his hoe.
How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.
Why did the cheetah get disqualified?
Because he was a cheetah, duh!
What’s the difference between a prostitute and cancer?
A prostitute can beat my dick any day, but a prostitute can’t beat cancer.
What did the kid with no arms get for Christmas?
A pair of gloves!
Nah, I’m not that mean, he’s still trying to open his presents.
I just got a job at the prison library.
It has its prose and cons.
What did the skeleton say when the other skeleton lied to him?
"You can't lie to me! I can see right through you!"
There is a thin line between death and life!
You won't live to see it.....
The Cardiogram will!!
What do you call a bunch of people near each other?
The start of the Hollacoast.
What do skeletons say before they eat?
Bone appétit. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Why didn't the sun go to college?
Because it already had a million degrees!
What is a spaceman’s favorite chocolate?
A Mars bar!
How do you tell a child they have cancer?
With a smile on your face.
"I really hate cats," my friend replied with, "You gotta be kitten me!"
Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."