Short jokes
I saw a man trying to rape a girl. I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against both of us.
What pants do you wear to church? Hole-y ones.
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
What do you call a retarded duck?
Fuck duck and lick my balls.
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light.
What's the opposite of Christopher Walken?
Christopher Reeve.
You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?
European.
How did Steven Hawking die?
He forgot his log on password.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Yes, because a house doesn’t jump.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
Man: "Is your body from McDonald's?"
Woman: "Why, because you're loving it?"
Man: "No, because it's fat and greasy."
What's worse than eating 5 raw oysters out of your grandmother's vagina?
Realizing you only put in 4.
What is the similarity between Pink Floyd and Donald Trump:
The best thing they did was a wall.
Why are smurfs blue?
Because they get bruises all the time.
Who am I sitting next to?
Charlotte looks like a sperm.
What’s brown?
Idk.
What is Jay?
Phat.
I lick cows for my mother.
What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls.