Short jokes
What did the mommy tomato tell the little tomato?
You better ketchup!
What do people say when they're fighting?
"Water!"
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad husband?
Because he doesn't stand up for his wife.
What do a fat chick and a moped have in common?
They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.
What’s the difference between Jimmy and a normal kid? Jimmy is fat.
Why did the kid who was blind, in jail, need light to see? He didn't, he needed to braille his way out.
I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie...
no one could tell that it was their blood.
These jokes cheered me up from suicide. This is amazing material. God bless all of you.
Two of my grandpas died in WW2.
Their tower fell over.
What do the names Alan and Jordan have in common?
An.
Women’s rights.
When you mix a wizard, a rabbit, and a songwriter together, you get 24 carrot magic.
What do Doges like? Memes.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two; one to screw in the lightbulb and one to SUCK MY COCK!
Two lesbians adopted a cat. That night, the cat ran away. Why?
Because it heard one say, "I'm gonna eat that pussy."
What’s the difference between someone who is high on the spectrum [and] low on the spectrum? At least I can write this joke.
I'm psychicking your butt.
What do you call a policeman/farmer?
A farmer in blue!
What has more brains than Kurt Cobain?
The wall behind him.
How do you recover from prostate cancer surgery?
It’s all Depends!