Short jokes
Why couldn't Bob hang himself?
Because he had no arms to tie a knot. :'-)
What is your true crush?
A soda crush.
Kid: How much do you get paid?
Teacher: Minimum wage.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.
Why does Beethoven's music sound like hell sometimes?
Because he doesn't listen to it!
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.
What kind of vegetable makes the best receptionist?
Cauliflower.
What do you call a short student?
A Ravin.
What do you call a bullet head?
JFK.
Which room is the safest place in the house?
The living room.
Hey, did you hear about the cat revolution? It was a cat-astrophy! I guess we just have to stay PAWSitive!
Stop with the dead baby jokes. We're running out of babies.
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?
A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
What do you call it when you see Chinese people in a gang?
The "Ching Chang Gang."
What was Beethoven called when he only ate beef?
Beefthoven!
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How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
What did the shark say after he ate the clownfish?
"This taste a little funny."
Q: Why did the Queer get fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
What's the best part about having emo grass?
It cuts itself!