Short jokes
A blind old guy asked me if I had any money to spare. I laughed and said I had a gold tooth.
I don't have any now.
Can I get a glass of water? I will give you anything you ask.
Really, then give me a pond of water.
What's the most expensive haircut in the world?
Chemotherapy.
What do Jim Kelly and Dick Cheney have in common?
They both make terrible hunters.
What's worse than a bag of dead babies? One at the bottom is still wriggling.
Anal.
If you overdose on Viagra, do you die... hard?
What were Brian Cant's last words before he died?
"I used to do it, but now I cant!"
I love going to Hooters and looking at the menu... If you know what I mean;)
Why did Johnny not like the audiobook he got for his birthday?
Johnny was deaf.
My dad was a roof cleaner and I'm dedicating this to him, so dad, if you're up there!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Theodore.
Theodore who?
Theodore is locked, that is why I knocked.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Robin.
Robin who?
Robin you, that is who.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Apaches.
Apaches who?
Apaches on your eye.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Por que.
Por que who?
"That's all, folks," in the words of Por que Pig.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Esteban.
Esteban who?
If you do not open the door, Esteban you!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Abajo.
Abajo who?
I have abajo of water with me.
What does a cat say when it's angry?
- Stop stressing meowt!
What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come.
OMG, I had a really good hand joke, but I just couldn't put my finger on it.