Short jokes
Notice on a shoe repair shop: I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you.
Oompa Loompa Doobity doo, I got a glock and it’s pointing at you.
How come pizza boxes are square when the pizza is a circle cut into triangles?
What's the similarity between a pepperoni pizza and Freddy Krueger?
They both have red circles on their bodies.
Q: What's the difference between a Genealogist and a Gynecologist?
A: One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush.
What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.
My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.
I hung something else instead.
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.
I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.
Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.
Assalam alaikum, bitches.
I had a JFK joke, but it went right through my head.
What do sex and food have in common?
Grandma makes both better.
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
Why don't Chinese children believe in Santa?
Because they're the ones making the toys.
What's the toughest stain to wash off a little boy's underpants?
Michael Jackson's lipstick.
NEWS: A man kidnapped a 13-year-old girl.
MOM OF GIRL: The man had a shady face and a receding hairline.
TV: Water found on Mars...
Mars: 1
Africa: 0
Your mum is so slow, it took her nine months to make a joke.
This is a joke. Laugh now or else.
People ask me, "Are you an organ donor?"
"Yeah, over my dead body!"