Short jokes
What’s the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
What’s Michael Jackson’s favorite poker hand?
Jacks and 5.
What pronouns would Michael Jackson have used as a Gender Identifier?
“He/he.”
What’s the worst thing about being suicidal?
The school shooter will always spare you.
Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”
No? Shame, it was real fun.
What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?
Both are sick and twisted.
Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?
Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.
What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?
The HIV test results.
I found a dog outside a store, so I took him home with me.
The dog was standing outside a blind supplies store.
Why do emo kids cost so much?
Because they’re the only people you can scan at the checkout machine.
What’s the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
Why do Arabs hate chess?
Because the queen is allowed to move freely.
Your mother is so fat that her BMI (Body Mass Index) exceeds 40, therefore classifying her as morbidly obese.
"Lettuce" stop making vegetable puns. We don't carrot all about them and they're not a-peas-ing.
A couple is on their first date.
Man: How do you feel about sex?
Woman: I like it infrequently.
Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
What’s the difference between Disney+ and P*rnhub?
Disney+ wants you to hate your stepmother.
If having sex for money makes you a wh*re, then what does having sex for free make you?
Non-profit wh*reganisation.
What does a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?
Wet noses.
What do you call AG?
A beta male.
Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?
It scares the shit out of her dog.