Short jokes

If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner. There's usually 90 degrees.

There are 30 cows in a field, 28 chickens. How many didn't?

A - 10

Don't you hate when you have sex with your teacher, then remember you're home schooled?

On 9/11, the Twin Towers ordered 3 pepperoni pizzas. One came in plain, the other came in late, the third went to the wrong address.

Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)

They said I couldn't drive.

Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.

FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.

When you’re fucking your boss and realize it’s a family business.

I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me.

That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?

Roses are red, shit is brown, Get that dick out my ass so we can go to town.

What do you call a 100-year-old frog?

An old croak!

Question: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

Answer: Because they taste funny!

A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So, she gets a divorce.

I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.

I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out.

Man, choking on sugar seems like the sweetest way to die.

My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.

Knowing how to pick locks has really opened a lot of doors for me.

I didn't like having long nails, but they're growing on me.