Short jokes
There was an oil spill in the ocean. Now the ocean can't see!
Me: I finished a book with 100 pages.
Someone else: How was it?
Me: It's a long story.
What did the whale say?
Nothing!
It just wailed.
There's only one gender. Women are property.
My father said I'm too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite, and unplugged his life support.
mnvsdvmsdnva.
I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."
When deaf people see someone yawning, do they think they're screaming?
Incest is wincest. (That was above.)
Fun for the whole family!
Next of kin, count me in!
Why was the washing machine laughing?
It was taking the piss out of the knickers!
Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?
Because they don't want to admit that meat makes them happy.
What do you call a dog wearing a beret?
Smeargle!
I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......
I have a lot of eggcellent egg puns, get the yolk... Oh come on, don't be hard-boiled!
Confucius say, "Man who bite electric wire get shocking experience!"
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
We spend the weekend getting the poop out!
I got a horse and I named it Hermio-nae.
How do bees get to school?
They take the buzz.