People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse.
They can stay in their living room.
Short Jokes
My wiener's small.
What did Onett and Threed reply to their child?
"I love you Twoson."
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
Someone threw a cup at my eye. I told 911 that I was mugged.
Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.
What did Yarn Yoshi say to Poochy whilst trying to solve a puzzle?
"Alright Poochy, it's time to get crafty!"
What’s Brock from Pokemon's favorite food?
Brockoli.
What do you call a place where people die?
Rosshall Academy.
I told my mum the refrigerator was running, so she got dressed and ran after it...
Why did the butthole get angry?
So it could wipe every human, snipe.
What did the vegetable say to the other before the fight?
Time to beet your maker.
What do you call a retreat in war?
A backup plan.
I used to be a doctor, until a girl came in to get a kidney transplant, but I had to give her anal resizing surgery first.
Life is like a box of chocolates, mostly disappointing.
The Toaster, otherwise known as the ultimate bath bomb.
Here's how to piss off all of North America.
All the United States is, is South Canadia.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor!"
So I went to the binoculars shop the other day. Tell you what, they saw me coming.
How do you knockout an unorthodox blue tooth?
You get a good connection.
