Short jokes

I told my friend to fly a plane,

But he threw a ramp off a roof.

What do orphans need in order to mail letters?

Food stamps.

What do you call a tall, affluent person? A big success.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyy!

What’s the most artistic fruit?

Vincent mango.

"I don't want to go on my at-home history."

- My friend, anon 2019.

"Sweet victory" fans: Fuck the NFL. They should be disbanded!

Harvey Weinstein: I raped five girls, and the NFL was one of them.

A blind man walked into a bar, and a table, and a chair.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

My life.

My life who?

My life is depressing...

What did one mountain say to the other? Nice to peak you!

IX + X = XXI. So XXI is two legions into one.

I forgot what lightning was. Then it struck me.

Here's a good tree joke to spruce up your day!

I hear coal mining is a rock-bottom job.

My girlfriend said, "GIMME EIGHT INCHES AND MAKE IT HURT!"

So I pumped my dick in her 4 times and hit her in the head with a brick.

What's black, white, and red all over?

A bi-racial car wreck.

Son: Dad, do you remember your first blowjob?

Dad: Ohhh yeah, I do!

Son: How did it taste?

Dad: Get out.

Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.

What do you call a vagina with multiple clits?

A tongue workout!

What do you call a dinosaur that can’t eat?

Anarexic.