Short jokes
You take four, then you put a "n" at the end, then you take the "u" out, then you replace the "f" with a "p". What do you get?
What's green and is dangerous?
Kermit with a flip knife.
Julius Caesar (salad) made easy.
The word "ginger" is just the n-word reorganized.
Velcro is such a rip-off.
Why did Shelley fall off the swing? She had no arms.
What do you call an ear that's dead? Deaf. Hahaha! Oh wait...
How old is a blue plane?
Blue.
What do you call a male ladybug?
Trans.
If nine is a number, then why on Earth is not "ja" a number?
How do goldfish know when to eat?
They don't. They have a memory span of 3 seconds.
A french fry was talking to a potato, but the potato didn't understand what he was saying.
It was because he didn't speak French.
What do an acting role and playing sports have in common?
If you break a leg, you get cast.
What did the marshmallow say when he was roasting in the fire? "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"
I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back till I realized it is a family business.
Don't you hate it when you sit on your balls? It's a real nutcracker!
What did the duck say to the pond?
"Fuck Trump."
My wife went to make a cake. The recipe said, "Separate two eggs," so she put one egg in the living room.
Poopy, farty, pee.
Who likes penis?
My cousin!