Short jokes
I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.
Oh, don't worry, he's okay now.
But the vet charged me six quid.
None of these are even funny. Just stupid.
Why did the man say "hi" to say "bye?"
Why did the roach talk to the man? To die.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Natyourcheese.
Natyourcheese who?
Natyourcheese, I wasn't gonna say bless you!
Couy.
What goes "Ooooooo"?
A cow with no lips.
I'm like a rubber because people hit me as I can't feel.
The duck bought lipstick. When he paid, he said, "Put it on my bill."
I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
Q: What did the kid say as he tossed a chair to his neighbor's house?
A: You're the chairman of the board!
A pun enters the room and kills ten people.
Pun in, ten dead.
How did the British lose the War of 1812?
They were out-Britshed.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Somebody threw an EMP at him.
What instrument do a pair of sheep play? The two-baaaa.
What did the cookie say to the milk?
What’s up duud?
What did the Indian cheese say to the other cheese?
"Tu cheese badi hai mast mast!"
Why was Timmy so sad? Because his dad stapled a frog to his forehead.
Why were parts of the Soviet Union that had more industry than agriculture occupied during WW2?
They couldn't beet the Nazis.
What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror?
"Haloomi."