Short jokes
Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?
It was having a mid-life crisis.
You walk into a McDonald's and you ask for some extra mayo, and they put too much on there.
I say I didn't order a "McCumshot."
Why did the ox get kicked out of the herd?
Because it wasn't being an ox, it was being a butt-ox...!
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, "I'm cold. Are you cold?"
The other cow says, "Yeah, I'm Fresian."
Who did Stephen Hawking love more than anyone else?
His wife, "Eye," who was also bad at running.
I told my dad, "I just thought of something funny." He said, "Your face?"
I searched on Google, "How to start a wildfire?"
I got 39,300,000 matches.
The DNA told the tailor that he couldn't find his genes.
I made someone a PB and J sandwich... they died.
"and i oop"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Sally.
Sally who?
You're going to bed right now.
"Dick, you're fired."
"I'd buy that for a dollar."
What game hurts you the more stages you survive?
Cancer.
What did the stop sign say to the street sign when he couldn't read a map?
"Can you give me some pointers?"
if an atom makes up everything im still suprised how it made ur mom
"Stupid ass baby."
Donald Trump is, like, really orange.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
A guy was annoyed in a store. I walk up to him and said, "What's wrong, buddy? Don't worry, it's not like you're on an abandoned isle!"
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite snake?
Microchips.