Short jokes

Two pencils walking down the street.

Which one hasn’t got AIDS?

The one with the rubber on.

What do you call an Indian babysitter?

Nanny.

My hips can't move, but Heineken.

When you go to Incestry.com instead of Ancestry.com.

It's okay to tell a Stephen Hawking joke if there are stairs in your house he can't get to you. Plus, he shut himself down, so it's all good :)

When you're mad, you might as well just punch an orphan because what can they do, tell their parents?

What do you call Hitler?

Gay.

You know, most people take rocks for granite... sorry.

In the words of Kerk Cobane: "Check this sweet no scope!"

People so dumb they think they're "transblind" like WTF, idiots!

"Where ya going?"

"When I die, hell, but right now, my room."

People: Stop joking about such serious issues!

Me: Kill yourself.

My girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex, and I said, "What's that?" She said, "I fuck her ass." I said, "Oh, my uncle calls that shhhhh."

I got a lot running through my head right now. I wish at least one was a 12-gauge round.

I like when people say they hate me because we have something in common. <3

If I hung myself from a cliff, would people call me a cliffhanger?

What do rats like on their birthday? Mice cream and cake.

If you ever get bored, just punch an orphan in the face. What's he going to do? Tell his parents?

Why did the leper fail his driving test?

He left his foot on the clutch.

What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been sighted.