Short jokes
Me: What's yellow and can't swim?
My sister: What??
Me: A school bus filled with kids.
What is 50 Cent's least favorite store?
The dollar store.
What does Drake call his rake?
Da-Rake.
Q: How did the explorers get to school?
A: They rode the Colum-bus!
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How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?
It's only got 10 hours to live.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Gary. Gary who? Gary a torch.
Yo mama so fat when she asked for a bathtub, they put a blanket over an ocean!
Your momma's so fat, a whale said, "Hello, Mom!"
Why did Stephen Hawking and his wife stop playing hide and seek? She kept using a metal detector.
I'll remember my last words... "Sorry, I'm not sorry!"
It was the year 1912. I was in the SS Titanic, and I woke from a dream to think, "I've heard of wet dreams, but is that WATER?"
How does an apple fall from a tree?
I don't know, ask Sir Isaac Newton!
I am never letting Elsa take care of my dog again. Last time she just let it go.
I remember my uncle's last words:
"I don't think we're going shooting today."
"Abortion: Another word for dying at spawn."
Connor: Hi Mom.
Mom:
Connor: I forgot I'm adopted to 2 dads!
Mom, can I please go out and play?
... no answer.
Orphan: Shooting gun at shooting range, "I'm out of bullets, got a magazine?"
Guy: That's probably because you're single.
Why can't orphans go on school field trips?
Parent Signature: _______