What is an alien's favourite chocolate?
A Mars bar.
Short Jokes
What kind of person will steal Captain Hook's hook?
Answer: A hooker.
Where does Captain Hook buy his hook?
At a second-hand store.
Which country of the world has the poorest/most hungry people?
Answer: Hungary
Okjlpppilfrkfft?
I ask my sister why the Chinese owner brings us free food all the time.
My sister said to me "I love him long time."
My mom showed me that she could deep throat a banana. I asked how you know how to do that. My mom said, "I practice on your stepfather."
What did the make-a-wish kid say when the Avengers turn up without Tony Stark?
"We are in the endgame now!"
I need to go to the hospital because I'm getting shot by a PUN.
Josh Hemus - follow him on Instagram @joshhemus
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.
What's the difference between Madlen Makan and Stephen Hawking?
Nothing, they're both dead.
I'm doing something Stephen Hawking can't do... pressing "I'm not a robot."
I was at a football match, and the ball was getting closer. Then it hit me. *face palm*
Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
I think if the center of the earth froze, it would be pretty hard core.
“Wills”
Are they a dead giveaway!
What do big fat male cows have?
Moobs.
Your name is so damn retarded you got sent to the animal farm.
A twin engine has two engines.
If one engine stops, the other will have just enough power to get the plane to the scene of the accident.
