Short jokes

"And then I said, \"Knife to meet you.\""

"You stabbed my brother!"

"It's okay, I'm in stable condition!"

What's the difference between a water bottle and Africa?

One has water; the other one doesn’t.

Why did Pikachu chase Ash?

Because he wanted to Ketchum.

The other day, my best friend flipped off the table in class. I thought it was flipping amazing!

I like my women like I like my coffee: nice, fresh, and dead.

Why do disabled people always get picked on?

Because they can’t stand up for themselves.

When you see your friend, you call the police, but they just moan.

Your mamma's so ugly, even the toaster wouldn't get in the bathtub with her.

Why did the orphan not play baseball? Because he couldn't find home.

We used to have a tail on the back... and now it moves forward.

The date is April 1st.

Somebody asks you what you are doing.

“I guess you could say I’m... fooling around ( ✧≖ ͜ʖ≖)“

How is Stephen Hawking so smart? He uploads it to his software.

9/11 happened... right?

The cops respond to 9-1-1... coincidence, I think not.

Monkey Man's mortuary, you stab 'em, we slab 'em.

One night my brother asked me, "Am I a pro gamer?" I said, "No, you're not a Pro-grammer."

There were 32 cows. Twenty-eight chickens. How many were there?

There were 32 cows. Twenty ate chickens. How many were there?

What's black and red/read all over? A baby skunk with a bad case of diaper rash!

Why do elephants never get rich?

Because they work for peanuts!

What color is a burp?

Burple!

Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?

So he could get into high school.