Short jokes

I'm a Model. My doctor asked me to make an acronym for POST because I post pictures on Instagram.

(Trying to) P-ut O-ff Suicidal T-houghts

Me: Says to kid at adoption center, "You're adopted!"

Me and kid: hug.

Thought this site needed a little bit of nice jokes.

My friend loves playing Roulette, so I figured I would introduce him to Russian Roulette. Blew his mind.

My girlfriend and I played Russian Roulette once.

We had sex afterwards even though she lost.

You want to know the bad thing? Only 5 out of 6 people like Russian roulette.

what's the difference between hitler and you?

one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.

I'm not sure how I'm going to get to Heaven.

God had not built a ramp yet... or an escalator.

What’s ten feet long and bald?

The conga line in the cancer ward.

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

He drove too far away from the power point/modem.

Did you know the letter "F" in orphan stands for family?

So I was at high school one day in the bathrooms, and I'm circumcised, and the kid next to me wasn't, so he showed me his pp, and he had a foreskin, so I was just playing with it until the teacher walked in, then I got fired...

What do a Make-A-Wish kid and mosquitoes have in common?

They both got a 10% survival rate...

What goes up but never past the digits 15?

A Make-A-Wish kid...

China wants their name on everything but the m.f. virus.

Why are fish not sleeping? 'Cause the bed is wet.

So my son came up to me and said, "Hey, Dad, I’m hungry." So I replied "Hi, Hungry, I’m Dad."

And then I feed him my dick.

What's the hardest part about sex with a Thai girl?

Her, probably.

What is white, black, and red and can't fit through a revolving door?

A nun with a spear through her head!

What's an orphan's least favorite joke?

... YO MAMA SOO, Oh wait...

Why can’t orphans build computers?

They don’t know where to put the motherboard.