Short jokes
"Is your refiger running?"
"Is your refrigerator running? You better go catch it!"
Suicide is never the answer.
Suicide is the question.
The answer is yes.
Cut.
What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?
America's funniest home videos.
How do you communicate to the dead?
Jump up and down on the ground and speak in Morse code!
Do you have a halo?
'Cause I can give it to you.
What's red all over and spins at 100 mps?
Baby in a blender.
Hi.
Hi hi hug hi huh hi hi.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Fuck 'em.
Why did the fire not burn the kid? Because it had no lips.
Hi, I did not text back to text her and dad, now I’m texting her. Now I’m.
Why did Trump's brain cross the road?
Oh wait, there is no other side.
What kind of chair inhabits your soul?
A hair!
What did the hairdresser say to the power line?
"Want a power cut?"
What's the name of a cannibal's favorite all-you-can-eat buffet? Planned Parenthood!
What did the corn say to the flying apple?
"That's corny."
Me: I know how to use a microwave!
Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!
Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?
I wake up and I find myself on the floor.
rat gaagah?
Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Because their dad never came back with the milk.