Short jokes
Why did the egg fall off the motorbike?
He was shite.
What do you call butter without an expiration date?
A miracle butter, because wow!
What did the expired butter do once it had expired?
It did an expire.
I love necrophilia, but only if it's consensual!
What happens when premenstrual Raggedy Ann gets with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.
I got so bad about cutting myself every time I went to the bathroom, I wanted to break my jacket zipper off and use that!
What do you get when you cross an atheist an insomniac?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
What do starving kids call Venetian blinds?
Bunk beds.
Your mum is so smart, but she still can’t figure out why she had you.
What do you call a bad piece of wood? Knotty.
You're a joke!
What's great about an emo pizza?
It cuts itself. Yay!
Why do you have to watch your back at NASA? They want to probe Uranus.
I heard an Uber from your eyebrows to your hairline is like $40.
What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?
One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.
My sis said only garlic and onions can make you cry.
So I threw an orange at her.
My humour is so dark that its life matters.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting "9"!
That’s the best I’ve done so far.
Teacher: I used to be an orphan once.
Student: OOFT.
Teacher: Who are we missing?
Student: Your parents.
Why are chickens so awesome? Because... Chicken noise.