Short jokes
I told my wife she was lousy in bed.
She replied, "I guess you have been seeing your ex-girlfriend, uh?"
Chi
Friend, your mum's fat.
Me: Well, your mum's so fat, she played pool with the planets.
Dad: I'm dying.
Son: Hi dying, I'm [name].
Dad: Really, now is not the time.
Son: I'm sorry.
Dad: Hi sorry, I'm Dad. (dies)
What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend?
"Ain't you got no cents?"
Piggy: "Actually, no. Just pork."
What’s the difference between your mum and your nan?
Your nan's a GILF!
Why did ItsFunneh go on the road? She so Draco looking at a car then the car runs over him, sad Draco.
What did the sea do when it saw the beach?
It waved!
Me and my friend's life story on a daily basis.
What does a bullet and milk have in common? They both take out your dad.
Octopus.
I would post a joke, but maybe it's too deadpan.
How many black people does it take to start a protest? -1.
The reason Stephen Hawking died was because he switched WiFi routers from Sky to Virgin, so his computer lagged out.
Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.
Last words of the captain of the Titanic... "Where's all this water come from?"
What was the score of the basketball game in Africa?
Eight-nothing.
What do you call it when a friend calms his suicidal friend? "Hang in there, buddy."
What did Stevie Wonder see when he got murdered?
Nothing.
There was always that one specific person you thought ruined your life, but it turns out your life has always been ruined by you being in it.