Short jokes
What's the name of a cannibal's favorite all-you-can-eat buffet? Planned Parenthood!
What did the corn say to the flying apple?
"That's corny."
Me: I know how to use a microwave!
Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!
Me in my dream: What a good day! *rumble* Ooh! What was that?
I wake up and I find myself on the floor.
rat gaagah?
Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do incest families do on Halloween?
Pumpkin.
What is the definition of Endless Love?
Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder playing tennis!
What do you call a bad joke?
A bad Noah!
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah
My life is like a broken pencil, it's pointless.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Bagel."
"Bagel who?"
"Toast, it's me, your arch-nemesis, Bagel, here to make up! Bye!"
They say making and having friends comes with some benefits. I guess you could say I have friends with benefits.
I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck. I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born.
I am going to scream, this is a cry for help.
What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?
"This isn't ketchup."
What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?
This isn't ketchup.
What do sperm say while just in?
"We need to go deeper."
What did I say to you? You suckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk, boiiiiiiiiiiiiii!
Person: Hey, do you know what's the best thing in life?
...
You do realize that I said nothing, right?
Me: Exactly :)
Me: Hey! Do you know how to tie a knot?
Person: Yea, why?
Me: Cause I need help tying this noose :)