Short jokes
What do you call a taco in bed?
Es(tá co)stado.
What does a Mexican not like in their drink? Ice.
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
What do gasses and asses have in common? They both have asses in them!
Hey, I broke up with your girl.
-Me: What? Why?
Wait, what?
-Me: You f**ked her, so it's your baby.
Once, I tried to say, "P.P. That's funny right there." Instead, I said, you guessed it, "Penis!"
Look under...
Under where?
You just said underwear!
HOLY CRAP!!!
Crap with holes in it.
Get it? HOLE - Y?
Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed!
"Wanna play the rape game?"
"No!!!!"
"That's the spirit!"
A chair came to life and said, "I'm alive!"
I said, "Yes, I know I am."
I asked my friend, "Hey, did you get a haircut?" and she said, "No." Then I'm like, "Really? Then why are you bald today?"
I was gonna do a school shooter joke, but it was aimed at younger audiences.
I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."
What are you good at?
Dying. Dammit, I fail at that too.
I tried to calculate 3/(my life), and I kept getting zero.
I've looked everywhere... I just can't seem to find where I left my will to live.
Advertisement: "What's in your wallet?"
Me: "The same amount of money as there is my will to live... ;_)"
Why does Jesus hate Skittles?
Because they fall through his hands.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Key.
Key who?
Key moo.