Short jokes
The only time you see a depressed person lifted up is when they hang themselves.
How many feet are in feet?
What do you call a group of depressed kids?
The suicide squad.
The depressed kid getting bullied.
The bully: "You are useless."
The depressed kid: "I know."
Yo momma so fat, her belt size is E for Equator.
What’s a homeless person's favorite food?
Why do you let your dads sleep so they don't get grumpy and eat your dinner?
3 year old boy: 1... 2...uh....?
Older brother: Ooh I know! 1, 2, 3 get the fuck off my apple tree!
My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.
Why are there 25 letters in the alphabet? Because the D is in U.
Why can't orphans go to family restaurants?
Because they don't have a family to go with.
What do Time Clocks like to play?
Tick Tack Toe.
What is the cheetah's favorite candy? Cheetos.
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!
I don't like marriage. It's just like soup, as soon as you're done spooning it, it all cools off.
Amogus.
Do you guys know how to make a hoe in Minecraft?
You pick it up off the street.
I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.
And then I noticed that my cat was missing.
When a fat person steps on a scale, it says: “To be continued.”